“lay-say”

Sunday morning prayer was such a wake up call. Seriously I felt such a huge slap in the face [spiritually of course]. What was being said and prayed for about being IDLE really put my focus back into what it should have been in… meaning the lost and intimacy with God. I graduate in about.. 1 month. and I had checked out early, by letting my grades go and not going to school. It wasn’t just academically, but spiritually too. If I had my focus and zealous heart for the lost, then I’m pretty sure I’d make sure I was at the place where I am drowning in lost friends who NEED the Lord. I wasn’t. [man the truth hurts so bad]. I am leaving to college at the end of summer and I am SO excited! I just really can’t stop what I KNOW  to be doing. PA prayed… “You know how to pray, you’re just not doing it! You know how to hear from the Lord, you’re just not doing it!”. The word STAGNANT kept ringing in my heart. I know God was warning me. I just looked up stagnant and it says..

1.	not flowing or running, as water, air, etc.

2.	stale or foul from standing, as a pool of water.

3.	characterized by lack of development, advancement, or progressive movement: a stagnant economy.

4.	inactive, sluggish, or dull.

Synonyms . dormant, lifeless, dead, inert, lazy.

Sheesh. It’s as if God was warning me with the word or calling out to me.. “LAZY LAZY LAZY!” or “LIFELESS!” or “DEAD!” I don’t want to be lazy. Never again, or sprititually dead even!!! I want to keep running the race!!! I’m still here in AZ! Still here in La Joya! Still here at work!! i was just getting that mentality that Im leaving soon, so whatever I do, just doesn’t matter. But it does. I don’t ever want to be at a place where I am comfortable. How lifeless is that?

Yesterday at work I was reminded of how I know how to win the lost when I give the Holy Spirit control. A co-worker and I were talking about our lives, our past.. and I shared with her about what God says about forgiveness… yatta yatta… and she said she wants to come to youth or church. I’m praying for her. She’s so amazing.

I cannot go out for the lost on my own. I MUST have Holy Spirit over flowing in me. That’s all I want and need for everything! And i can’t be meeting with God and doing nothing with it. One without the other… is gunna get me immature and unfruitful.

the power of the cross

Man oh man.. the encounter always hits me every time I’m able to witness God deliver people. When the Passion of the Christ was playing at the cross session, I think I wept more this time then at my own encounter. Is that bad? I dont know but I really was soaking the cross in all over again, but this time…. deeper. This time, I looked at the cross, through a sinner’s eyes. Last time, I think so much religion was blocking away how powerful the cross really is. Sad, but true. Growing up where it was like “yes Jesus died on the cross. the end”. I’m so speechless that I was able to see the cross for what it really is. During the clip, I would look down trying to not look at what Jesus suffered for me. He didn’t have to do it, but choose to. The cross was never forced on Him. He choose to do it for me, for us. He is too amazing. I’ll write more later… peace!

Seeking Him; in View of His Mercy

Pastor Aaron’s sermon was seriously such a kick in the butt for me. So I wanted to tie it in with what David, and asked myself, am I a lady after God’s heart… in view of His Mercy?! Humility. David was humble. In the songs and poems he would write for God, he did nothing less than exalt, honor and praise the Lord (he wrote the biggest book in the Bible for crying out loud). Even His life exalted the Lord! He knew he was not worthy. I read Psalms 52 and in verse 17 “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit – a broken spirit and a repentant heart- these O God you will not despise.” David, in his hardcore cry of repentance, knew that his God wanted him to live as a sacrifice from the inside out. Not just fasting but He wanted deep sincerity from David’s heart when he would sacrifice. How can i live as a contrite sacrifice? By viewing my life, in His mercy. Man, this totally changed my life! I’ve looking at every aspect in my life by finishing it with ___ in view of His mercy. When i do this, I can’t help but…. fall to my knees, fall apart for Him, and come to the feet of Jesus in humility. God is amazing and I’m totally not worthy.

Really, am I after His own heart?

Acts 13:22 says “But God removed him from the kingship and replaced him with David, a man about who God said, `David son of Jesse is a man after MY OWN heart, for he WILL DO everything I want him to.’ I’ve called myself “a young woman after God’s own heart”. Wouldn’t we all like to be known as this? Someone after God’s heart? This is what God Himself called David! How amazing. I can’t help but ask myself what it really means to be after His heart. What IS God’s heart? Its so big. Actually its too big! Looking through the bible I can see numerous times of pieces of God’s heart shown. He loves me (thats a big one), He wants to know me, be my everything, be pure, not fear, love & forgive each other etc etc,! Another is that He wants me to be obedient. He said it that verse.. for David would do anything/every thing that God wanted Him to do. Remember Goliath? He makes me want to go beyond fear in so many different aspects of my life. David was a revolutionary by being after God’s heart.  He spent time making sure he spent time with God because wanted to, not kuz he knew someone was going to read his blog all the time. I want to be like him in so many ways.. he was a worshipper, and I know that God’s heart desires worship. Another aspect of obedience. I’m looking more and more at David’s life right now..  chasing and living His heart for my life, and this generation.